(那时候的我,一直都在想,依赖和恋爱到底有什么不一样?如果过去一切的一切都只是我的错觉而已,那我过去的感觉也未免太过逼真,真实了。)

Yes, this is a world which belong to me, where i can express myself freely here. But this is not a normal world. At here, snow is no longer white; shiny day also won't appear here. Here is the hell for a dark angel, a world which belong to the dark angel.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monday, 29 March 2010

人生

原文:矛盾的人生(转载自朋友的部落格)

有些人。。。
有些事。。。
有些爱。。。
有些过去。。。

有些人,一直没机会见,等有机会了,却已经犹豫了,相见不如不见啊。
有些事,一直没机会做,等有机会了,却已经不想再做了。
有些爱,一直没机会爱,等有机会了,却已经不再相信爱了。
有些过去,一直想去忘记,等到时间长了,却已经没办法再忘记了。

有些人,有很多机会相见的,却总找借口推脱,等到想见的时候,却已经没机会了。
有些事,有很多机会做的,却一天一天推迟,等到想做的时候,却已经没机会了。
有些爱,给了你很多机会,却不在乎没在意,等到想重视的时候,却已经没机会了。
有些过去,原本可以忘记的,却一直放不下,等到想忘记的时候,却已经深深印在脑海中了。

或者你给了很多,对方却不在乎;或者对方给了很多,你却不在意。
也许原本是相爱的,结果却搞不清当初是为了什么原因而分开的;说好要到永远的,不知怎么就散了。

人生有时候,总是很讽刺的。

然后,忽然醒悟,感情原来是这么脆弱的。
从此不再相信爱情了,混混噩噩地过生活。

也许只是赌气,也许只是因为小小的事情。

[幻想着和好的甜蜜,或重逢时的拥抱;那个时候会是边流泪边捶打对方,还傻笑着。]

可是,现在各有各的生活,各自爱着别的人;曾经相爱,却已经形如陌路人了。

即使在同一个小小的城市,也不曾再相逢。
某一天某一刻,走在同一条街上,也看不见对方。
先是感叹,然后是无奈。

也许你很幸福,因为找到另一个适合自己的人。
也许你不幸福,因为这一生就只有那个人真正用心在你的身上;亦或你把所有都放在那个人身上。

很久很久,都没有对方的消息了,也不再想起这个人了;不是不想再去想,而是不敢去想起。
时间已过,什么都不会留下来了;有些东西是争取不来的,即使是耗尽此生。

如果有一天选择了死;那不是对生命的无知,只是淡淡地不想去表态而已。

Saturday, 27 March 2010

Happy Birthday...... to MYSELF!!!

27 years old LOL... Time flies and i am getting older and older each and every seconds. Haha... another normal birthday, no celebration, not much wishes, and even myself also almost forget about this day. Thanks to friends who wish me anyway, that remind me, this is my birthday today. Thanks, i appreciate it a lot.

Anyway, this super LESS wishes which compare to a normal person (which i am abnormal?), make me realize that, in fact, i really don't have much friends. 原来我的人缘还真的很差;源河,你讲对了。I really not dare to say that i am a good friend to everyone; i do know about all my weakness. But i really use my heart to treat my friends sincerely. Maybe i done it in a wrong way? Because i do know that no one feel my sincerity. What a loser in life...

Sigh... Don't know what to say anymore. Again, i really thanks to friends who remember my birthday and wish me. And i would like to thanks to friends who forgot as well, you really teach me a lesson... as i thought that you are my close or good friend, but in fact, i am just nothing. Is time for me to improve myself already.

献给自己的一首歌,


我知道傷心不能改變什麼 那麼 讓我誠實一點
誠實 難免有不能控制的宣洩 只要關上了門 不必理誰

一個人坐在空盪包廂裡面 手機 讓它休息一夜
難 像切歌切掉回憶的畫面 眼淚不能流過十二點

生日快樂 我對自己說 蠟燭點了 寂寞亮了
生日快樂 淚也融了 我要謝謝你給的你拿走的一切

還愛你 帶一點恨 還要時間 才能平衡
熱戀傷痕 幻滅重生 祝我生日快樂


Terry: 祝我生日快乐!

[在脑里默默地数了一下,只怕自己还有几十年的孤单生日要过,该是时候习惯一下了。]

晚安!
Good night!



Thursday, 25 March 2010

爱爱爱。。。



什么是爱?我越来越不懂了。

怎么办啊?

我原以为爱是很简单的,其实,爱真的是很简单的;可是现实让爱变得复杂起来了。爱,已经不再是相爱的两个人的事情而已。现实中的爱情,已经跟面包变得密不可分了。

怎么办啊?

我以为我找到了属于我的会长大的幸福,可是事实并没有我想象中来得简单。

怎么办啊?

我开始茫然了。


在夜市里逛地摊,送你一副耳环,你很喜欢,一整晚笑声不断
陪你看电影哭完,戏里相爱好难,你很感慨,现实会害人离散
为你生日的夜晚,亲手料理晚餐,你真可爱,很捧场吃两碗饭
你电话有点摔坏,一直想帮你换,努力加班,你心疼得泪打转
你说浪漫和贫富无关,是心让爱灿烂
在捷运车站,不在乎围观,感动亲吻起来
为你种下会长大的幸福,让今天担心你的朋友,明天笑闹着嫉妒

May I...

Rest in peace???

Attending my ex-classmate's father funeral... sigh... life is really difficult... especially at the moment that all the silent killers are trying their best to approach us... BUT... death... or i should say in a better word... REST IN PEACE... is a better living choice for loser like me??? May i ask... may i rest in peace now??? I am sick of everything... i am totally lost... no directions at all... sigh...

Friday, 19 March 2010

阿密特 0424 演唱会曲目

1. 当我开始偷偷的想你
2. 冲动
3. 薇多利亚的秘密
4. 吉他SOLO转场
5. 分生
6. 你好不好
7. 水蓝色眼泪
8. 相爱后动物感伤
9. 弦乐(卡农)
10. 公主彻夜未眠 - 歌剧图兰朵选段
11. 不要乱说
12. 永远的快乐
13. 将爱(原唱: 王菲)
14. 黑吃黑
15. 我可以抱你吗?
16. 趁早
17. 哭不出来
18. 寂寞保龄球
19. 圣歌(管风琴)
20. 灵魂的重量
21. 掉了
22. 音乐转换
23. Come Together
24. So Good
25. 发生什么事
26. 发烧
27. 瞬间
28. 火
29. 好胆你就来(台语)
30. 彩虹
31. 爱,永远不会消失
32. 因为有我
33. OK
34. 三天三夜
35. 开门见山

四人遊

方大同-四人遊

你的長髮為何不留 你幹麼會學懂喝酒
你那個男朋友 酒量也算一流
聊個一整夜只怕不夠

你為甚麼跟他鬧酒 你莫非要借酒澆愁
你那個女朋友 到底還有沒有
搞不好我們四個人 去旅遊

*原來一回頭 原來才顯出你溫柔
 我當時愛得不夠
 原來只能夠做朋友 從前快樂沒變哀愁
 原來在那關頭 全因捨得分手
 你說是否荒謬 我們比從前看起來更熟*

改天你母親搞賀壽 我帶女友出來走走
你就知我理由 不外乎太羞
如果要一起去旅遊 去歐洲

REPEAT *

那天澎一聲關門 就走
很想問 你有沒有眼淚 想流
你以為 你的魅力大得足夠
少有 我們像在迎新懷舊

原來一回頭 原來才顯出你溫柔
我當時愛得不夠
原來只能夠做朋友 從前快樂沒變哀愁
原來在那關頭 全因捨得分手
還去不去歐洲 四個人不許酸溜溜


昨天在车上听了这首歌,就深深地被歌词给吸引住了。蛮有感觉的一首歌,大家不妨仔细地品味一下。

当时分手,原来只是自己爱得不够深,原来我们只能够做朋友。
哈哈,有意思。。。

Monday, 15 March 2010

Nice Job... which i don't like!

Currently i am a Quality Assurance Engineer in an IT company which named as "Docuflo (MSC) Sdn Bhd" or "InfoConnect Sdn Bhd". My job functions, as can see from the position title, is about the software quality, which i have to perform software testing.

BUT......

After CNY until now, 3 weeks, me and my colleagues had been through the most stupid 3 weeks of working life. Don't really have much task to do, even i have go and request for a new task, but still same result - quite free 3 weeks time.

Request for more task:

Unclosed task pending at developer site for debugging - get no response from them after i send an email to request for response (here, unwritten company policy, if i send too much email, i am fighting cock, i am cari gaduh, i play office politic; if i didn't, CEO cannot see what i had done, where i have nothing to write in my weekly report, then CEO will think that i am slacking all the time in office?)

New task that coming soon - i ask for dateline, because i want to know more clearly so that me and my colleague can follow up on it to ensure no delay on developer to send for testing; answer i get is, YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW DATELINE... why? Don't i have the right to know the dateline of what i will do later on?

Training - yeah, while we are free (because we also not free all the time), is good to have some training to improve our skills and all that; BUT... push here push there, taichi here taichi there, answer i get is - A: already inform B that you have interest to attend training, B will register for you; another version from B: i did not get any information from A that you want to join, so didn't register for you. Good taichi skill? But in the first place, is not i go and ask for training, is you guys said want to send me for training!

Worst to come, software testing is software testing, why differentiate with project based and non-project based? Why? Well, i don't mind to test on all kind of software. But why? Why company do not allow? Why must we just test on a fixed thing? I understand that project based task have customer to test for us on their site. But wouldn't it be better if we test it internally first and we present the version with minimal bugs and errors to customer? Isn't it better in this way? Why even i request want to help to test on my free time but all i get is deny.

I don't understand. Maybe things did not work as easy as i think. Maybe upper level do have their difficulties that i cannot foreseen. But me... as an employee here, this is what i think while i am still on job. Would it be better if someone can explain to us that how things work around? Why everything have to be so secretive? Or maybe is just me being too childish where everywhere else is having such working environment? I don't know.

BUT...

I do know that is time for me to leave and go explore more in the outside world; rather than just work still on a same single company. Is time to go...


PS: Yeah, it is a nice job, in fact, quite free on working hours where still can get stable income monthly... But i don't like it, i am eager for a more challenging job...

Thursday, 11 March 2010

爸爸给4岁女儿的一封遗书

给可爱的女儿:

再吃十次蛋糕就可以找爸爸了。爸爸和你玩了好多次躲迷藏,每次都一下子就被你找出来。不过这一次,爸爸决定躲好久好久。你先不要找,等你十四岁(还要吃完十次蛋糕)的时候,再问妈咪,爸爸躲在哪里,好不好?爸爸要躲这么久,你一定会想念爸爸,对不对?不过,爸爸不能随便跑出来,不然就输了。如果还是很想爸爸,爸爸就变魔法出现。因为是魔法,不是真的出现,所以不犯规,爸爸不算输。爸爸的魔法是:趁你睡觉的时候,跑到你梦里大玩游戏。在你画图画爸爸的时候,不管好不好看,你觉得是爸爸,就是爸爸当你拿爸爸的照片看时,爸爸也在偷偷的看你。。。
要记得,爸爸一直都陪着你,你已经是四岁的大姊姊了,爸爸要拜托你一件事,要你照顾和孝顺爷爷、奶奶和妈咪,看妳是不是比爸爸以前做得好?有多好,妈咪会告诉你的爸爸。猜想,我们这一次玩躲迷藏要玩这么久,爷爷、奶奶、妈咪有时候看不到爸爸,他们一定会偷哭。偷哭就是犯规、就是失败。他们偷哭,你就要逗他们笑,不然游戏输了以后,他们一定会哭得更厉害了。好不好,宝贝?你们是同一国的,来比赛看你们厉害,还是爸爸。准备好了吗,比赛就要开始了。


(十年后的女儿给爸爸的信)

爱玩的爸爸,你躲在哪里?你不是说我吃过十次蛋糕后,就可找到你的吗?这十年来,我很听爸爸你的话,为了不犯规,害怕游戏输掉再看不见你,我努力地照顾爷爷、奶奶、妈咪,他们哭,我逗他们笑。爸爸,他们终于笑了!我赢了!游戏结束了,你该回来吧,对吗?
原来。。。
不对的!我期待爸爸你的回来,再和我玩躲迷藏的时候,妈妈却告诉我,我再也看不到你了。
原来十年前的我已失去了你这个爱玩的爸爸。。。
爸爸,你为何忍心骗你最爱的女儿?十年来,每吃一次蛋糕,我对你的思念愈累积,对我们十年后的再会也就愈期盼!十年的累积实在令我输得更惨痛!十年前,若你让我选择的话,我宁愿爸爸不要骗我,你该相信你的女儿吧!
我会坚强,我会更努力逗爷爷、奶奶、妈咪笑。
又或。。。
来骗我一辈子,和我玩一辈子的迷藏,让我赢回一辈子的你。爸爸,十年后的今天我没有减轻失去你的震撼,虽然痛,但我会努力我的人生,不会辜负你的爱,不会辜负你和我玩十年躲迷藏的苦心。

THE END


学会欣赏身边的美好,就等于充实自己的生活,离去只不过是在躲迷藏!!!
想一想,要珍惜现在的生活,不管它是苦是甜,努力创造美好的未来!!!
人生苦短只有爱才会永留,有时我不知什么才是爱,也许是有在离开的时候才会知道。。。

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

好马不吃回头草

有些事情,过去了就没法再回头了。再不舍得,再怀念,该放手的还是得放手。对不对?

“过去让它过去,来不及从头喜欢你;如果不能够永远走在一起,也至少给我们怀念的勇气,拥抱的权利,好让你明白我心动的痕迹。。。”

是的,真的是来不及回头了。话说“好马不吃回头草”;我是好马吗?我不知道。可是,我知道我是不会吃回头草的了。


有多久没见你 以为你在那里
原来就住在我心底 陪伴着我的呼吸
有多远的距离 以为闻不到你的气息
谁知道你背影这么长 回头就看到你

过去让它过去 来不及
从头喜欢你 白云缠绕着蓝天
如果不能够永远走在一起
也至少给我们怀念的勇气 拥抱的权利
好让你明白 我心动 的痕迹

总是想再见你 还试着打探你 消息
原来你就住在我的身体守护我的回忆



很贴切的歌词。
真得很久不见了,久到我都快不记得你是谁了。可是你的影子还是住在我的心里面,我想它将会是我心房一辈子的住客吧。不过,真的都过去了;就像歌词那样,让它住在我身体里守护我的回忆吧。

题外话:
那天偶然间在FACEBOOK看到了你的消息,你出车祸了。我的心跳得就差没有从口里跌出来;很自然地,顺手拿起电话,就像拨过去慰问关心一下。可是,那一瞬间,我却顿住了。呆了一呆,扬起了一丝微笑,原来我已经没有资格去担心了。原来,我们的一切早就过去了;原来,随着时间的流逝,我对你的关心已大不如前了。那似成相似的感觉,原来只是一种习惯性,反射性的举动而已。怎样都好,还是祝你一切安好。。。

Thursday, 4 March 2010

阿密特首次巡回演唱会0424 大马布特拉室内体育馆劲爆登场


亚洲华人天后张惠妹以阿密特的身份首次展开世界巡回演唱会,而即将4月24日,晚上8点正, 假吉隆坡武吉加里尔布特拉室内体育馆的演出,也将正式于本周六,即2月27日,门票全国公开发售。阿妹以摇滚《阿密特》再战大马舞台的消息对外公布以来,一直受瞩目,歌迷的热烈回响及对演出的期待,再次奠定了阿妹天后的魅力。这次大玩摇滚狂野风格的阿密特演出点亮了世界巡回的地图,它早已是乐迷中2010 年必看演唱会的唯一首选.

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Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Terry: "@#$%^&......"

I don't understand at all. What the hell is this? Why is happening to me? After CNY holidays, back to office until now, we are really quite free!!! To be honest, is SUPER free. It's not that we don't want to do our task, but is our company have nothing for me to do. What we can do, we already done all; even we go and request new task from HOD, still the same - have nothing to do! But HELL, you understand that is you really have nothing for us to do; then what the heck still need to write those FUCKING so called "Weekly Report"!?? While we have to answer if we didn't submit a good report? How am i suppose to write it when company have nothing for me to do!? "Rest and Relax" - i suppose i can write this down? FUCK!!! On the other hand, it's very obvious that there are plenty of things that we can do, or at least we can help. But why still want give all those lame excuses to exclude us from the tasks!?? What is the thinking? Is it we are not capable enough to help? If that so, why hire us to be employees??? GOD, i really need an answer!!! And yes, please help me out from this FUCKING boring situation!!!!!!

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Get to know yourself better

Dear Terry Chew, below are your Personality Tests result:

Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet.

Girlfriend/boyfriend: You like serious, smart and determined people.

Relationship: You are ready to commit.

Love: You like to flirt and behave seductively.

Education: Education is very important in life.

Job: You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance.

Success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go.

Afraid: You are afraid of things that you cannot control.

财神到

《财神到》,算是2010年最后一部上映的贺岁片吧,也是同事极力推荐的片子;所以我就去看了。当中,它又分成了3个小故事。个人最喜欢的就是第2个故事,是环绕着女主角张雨绮和男主角张震的一个爱情故事,很感人的一个爱情故事。天庭女财神533(吴姗姗)被派下凡执行任务,去帮助一个瞎眼钢琴家,可是得到的指示是要让钢琴家的财产增加1元。百思不解下,决定乔装成钟点女佣去了解这次特别任务的对象。在朝夕相处之下,两人互生情愫;最后女财神依毅然为爱放弃自己财神的身份,运用法力医好了钢琴家的双眼,而自己却得永远留在凡间面对被清洗了记忆的钢琴家。不过,最后当然还是有情人终成眷属。

很感动,原来爱真的可以是很简单的。什么名利,什么地位,什么财富;一切都不重要。当自己心爱的人开心时,自己所付出的一切就已值回票价了。同意吗?

话说回来,很应景的一部片子。今年的农历新年和情人节都落在同一天,这片子又有财神又有爱情故事,还挺合适的。还没看的,就去支持支持吧。