Me... Terry of 2009

Ya... once again... i failed...

Now i am kind of confused already... what should i do? What i actually want? Where am i heading to? What a future is awaitng for me? All these questions are just wondering around me... inside my head... i felt that my head is going to explode... pain... pain... and just pain... Sigh...

After going through all these failure... only i realize that... part of me is still kept within you... Yes... you... the 1st, the only and most probably the last? I wonder... Sigh... So what should i do now?

Since the day i met you... i started to change... a little by little... and now more and more alike you... i think i wil just build a defensive tower around myself... and lock up my heart... and then just throw the key into the deep blue sea... and let nobody able to open up into my heart... because i cannot afford anything already... at least right now... i think...

From the beginning... i liked you... then i loved you... then i scared of losing now... then something happened... or some conflict build between us... and i forced to break with you... forced to say the cruel words with my own mouth while my heart was keep bleeding... and then i missed you... day by day... until now... you become part of me already... we far away from each other... but you live in my heart... forever... haha... just like a tattoo... sigh...

So i think... maybe i am just not suitable to be in love... maybe love is too luxuries for me... so the 2009 version of me... will just do what you did to me... cage myself and never let anyone enter...

Happy Lonely 2009 ^^