(那时候的我,一直都在想,依赖和恋爱到底有什么不一样?如果过去一切的一切都只是我的错觉而已,那我过去的感觉也未免太过逼真,真实了。)

Yes, this is a world which belong to me, where i can express myself freely here. But this is not a normal world. At here, snow is no longer white; shiny day also won't appear here. Here is the hell for a dark angel, a world which belong to the dark angel.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Thursday 30 December 2010

This is a BAD BAD World

"Unfair Treatment" - this is what i was facing in the second half of year 2010. Because of a wrong decision, i put myself in a totally unfair situation which i felt so angry, disappointed, sad, upset and so on (mixture of all negative energy). Well, what had happened?

Around April of 2010, due to some reasons, i had make a decision to quit my former job which i was hoping to have a change in environment as well as career advancement. So, of course i tried my best to search for new job after my resignation. After some period of time, finally i got these 2 offers.

- Company M (which is a government bodies) which offered me a FOC on job training course (whereby the course itself is valued around 20K plus plus) with an allowance (whereby definitely lower than my former salary but is sufficient for me to survive) as well as a Software Quality Certified tester which recognized by several countries. This on job training course will take about half year to complete and by then i will have to look for a new job again.

- Company N which offered me a slightly higher salary from my former company and a slightly lower benefit from my current company. From the interview session, i was told that there will be a lot of exposures to the industries such as on site training, in house training, automation tools to use on job and so on. And i was told that i will be getting my expected salary (which i am not plan to expose here) also as long as i pass the probation.

After certain consideration, i made the decision to join company N, where everything is started here. Yes, i had entered to HELL without knowing myself... Well, i am not going to describe my the whole half year working life here, but just to state a few situation which i consider them as "unfair treatment" below.

- Of course, 1st thing i get to know is... Well, this is actually no such thing as automation tools to be learned and used on job. It is just a tactic to bargain with me about my salary (yes, i forgot to tell that i have less exposure on automation testing tools, and i am a software tester, so i thought that i don't mind to accept a lower salary than my expectation where i have the chances to expose to automation testing tools), so i assume i had been cheated.

- During the period of working, i was told to support our teammates who were in another country, and i was required to standby 24 hours (well, of course not me alone, in fact is the whole team who did not go overseas and stayed in Malaysia was required to standby 24 hours to support). After a certain time, i get to know that only the teammate in another country, had claimed for the overtime working and replacement to work on public holiday. While we who were in Malaysia, get nothing - no claim, no replacement leave, no time off, and there is only 1 hour late in given to us for working until 4am.

- Well, now come to my probation, and for sure there is an increment. As in point #1, i was told that i am able to get my expected salary if i pass my probation. Of course, i did not get it. And what is the reason? Well, please go ahead and imagine for yourself. And for myself, i was given tons of excuses and reasons regarding this which i also lazy to write it here already. Lets just assume, my performance is not satisfying so they cannot give me my expected salary (while on the other hand, they not satisfy on my job performance but pass my probation? What logic or theory is that?)...

I think there is enough writing regarding these unfair treatments, else i could have write for a 100K of words which i still not able to tell out all the unfair situation i made.

So, apart from all these, what in my mind is, a wrong decision and i had put myself into such a situation. Anyone to blame? I think should be myself, correct? This is a real BAD BAD world, and i should have know it from the beginning. Real World, i think the definition should be a realistic world i assume. So is my own to blame that i do not aware on things which are going to happen on myself when i make a decision. A lesson to learn but a 6-months period had been wasted. What an unlucky 2010 for me... God bless me, please let me have a good and nice 2011 ahead.


P/S: Today is 30/12/2010, and also is my last day on this company N. A real bad conclude for my year 2010, and i hope there is a fresh new start on 2011. God bless me ~

Tuesday 21 December 2010

迷糊

原来我的心里还是住着一个人。经过了那么久,其实我的“自欺欺人”还做得蛮成功的,我真的连自己都给骗过了。可是,一些事,一些人,一些东西却一而再,再而三地勾起我最不想面对的一些事情。或许在我的内心深处,其实是很清楚知道自己还没有摆脱得开的,只是不敢或者不知道怎样面对罢了。可是我还能怎样?日子还是得照过的。难道白开水比面包来得重要吗?

一位很谈得来的同事,其实算是素没谋面的同事,却很谈得来。他看事情还蛮透彻的,至少我觉得他把我看的蛮透彻的。“老大,你嬴了。我真的不懂得怎样去面对,所以只好钱财至上,只好当拜金男了。”唉。

阿妹。嗯,阿妹也好,阿密特也好,你总能勾起我内心深处的回忆。或许这段回忆里的主角特别地喜欢你,所以每每听到你那优美激昂的声音时,我埋藏封尘着的回忆总会不由自己地被勾起来。


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